Pretending for Home
Ever feel like you're pretending to be someone you're not?
This seems to be the resounding thought going through my head lately. I don't know whether I am just having difficulties adjusting to the difficulties of school life, or I really am pretending. I had really hope for better than mediocrity, and that seems to be all that I am getting...despite every effort that I put in. It's quite discouraging really.
It's strange when you realize that you don't really have a home. When I was asked if I was going home for reading break, my answer was yes, I am returning to the place where I lived for a long period of time, however, I don't really think of my parents' place as home anymore. However, the physical area, the lower mainland is most definitely my home. That is one thing that I have realized. I miss vancouver. To the nth degree.
So, this idea of going to victoria, or making my home as I go, I am kind of realizing that it's crap. My home is where my people are. And really, I think I knew that all along, but I am just realizing it now. Wow, after reading that over, it sounds like I have watched Garden State too much. But this is where I am at.
I figured out some more on "We are a certain distance apart". Maybe it has to do with home, and the fact that despite the idea that we can escape from each other and be away from our home, we actually only are a certain distance apart, and no more than that. I also think that this may have to do with difference. I mean, we always say that we are so different and distinct from each other, but I am finding out more and more that we really aren't all that different from each other, although we try to be. So, thats why we are only a certain distance and not a distance apart. Just a thought.
This seems to be the resounding thought going through my head lately. I don't know whether I am just having difficulties adjusting to the difficulties of school life, or I really am pretending. I had really hope for better than mediocrity, and that seems to be all that I am getting...despite every effort that I put in. It's quite discouraging really.
It's strange when you realize that you don't really have a home. When I was asked if I was going home for reading break, my answer was yes, I am returning to the place where I lived for a long period of time, however, I don't really think of my parents' place as home anymore. However, the physical area, the lower mainland is most definitely my home. That is one thing that I have realized. I miss vancouver. To the nth degree.
So, this idea of going to victoria, or making my home as I go, I am kind of realizing that it's crap. My home is where my people are. And really, I think I knew that all along, but I am just realizing it now. Wow, after reading that over, it sounds like I have watched Garden State too much. But this is where I am at.
I figured out some more on "We are a certain distance apart". Maybe it has to do with home, and the fact that despite the idea that we can escape from each other and be away from our home, we actually only are a certain distance apart, and no more than that. I also think that this may have to do with difference. I mean, we always say that we are so different and distinct from each other, but I am finding out more and more that we really aren't all that different from each other, although we try to be. So, thats why we are only a certain distance and not a distance apart. Just a thought.
posted by Sylvia | 1:16 AM
3 Comments:
that needs to be a song - a certain distance apart. and i'll watch garden state with yo yet again. janelle and i watched it in the fall. i like it better every time.
kristin
oh syl... i miss you so. the thing is, i still live with my parents, but it doesn't feel like home. so you can't win. it's the curse of the early-mid twenties, i think. the point is, you're not alone in feeling alone :)
I totally understand what you're saying... This townhouse is not my home, it's like a transition house... only with less drugs... ok maybe a bad example. Anyways, yeah, I getcha too.
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